Singleton or Singledoom?

It isn’t easy being single, especially as a Christian, mainly due to the pressure you get to meet someone and be married and have children. For some, this is an extremely stressful time. But why is that? From a single female in her mid-thirties, I can relate to such stress, but I can also share that it is possible to become content in being single.

As a Christian in a Christian community, the topic of when I will meet someone and be married and have children is almost daily. I find it is mostly from those who are already married and enjoying their married life and would like you to experience the same bliss, but why have we stopped glorifying the singleton? Marriage is a beautiful and wonderful union which God wants for us. In Genesis 9:7 the bible says “as for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it” He created us to “go forth and multiply’ he wants us to experience love for another person, he wants us to be in a union as husband and wife.

But scripture also glorifies the single woman. In 1 Corinthians 7:34, it states “…an unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs; Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” But we don’t often celebrate this within our community.

I truly believe if we are more content in single life it will focus our eyes on the one person who we live for, love and adore, who is Jesus Christ.

The Christian single woman sometimes can be pitied and their emotional needs tend to be avoided.

But what are the Christian woman’s needs?? We are more aware of how to nurture and support married couples than that of those who are single, why is that? I’m not asking these questions because I have an answer as I don’t, but what I want to do is highlight these questions for us to look deeper and be truly honest about the issues and pitfalls that are faced by single Christian women.

Single women are at risk as the enemy delights in our anxieties and fears of being unmarried and childless, hence we can fall into traps of sexual sin, depression, isolation and shame, we fall so far from God some of us find it hard to turn back.

Not all of us are unhappy and sad, I truly believe if we are more content in single life it will focus our eyes on the one person who we live for, love and adore, who is Jesus Christ. In 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 it states that Jesus’ wish is for us to be as he is, that we each have our own gifts and being unmarried carries its own gift.

I believe that if we viewed the single life more positively, we would be content and happy to wait for the person God chooses for us, and not rush in haste guided by our own flesh, not the wrong relationship.

I viewed a single life as a black and white picture and marriage as a multicoloured masterpiece that God created. I now know that a single life can also be a multi-coloured masterpiece if we step out of the single doom stereotype and see the colours and shapes that can be created as a singleton.

Being unmarried carries its own gift

Single women have a calling, single women have a voice. We may not be able to populate the earth with our babies, but we can populate Gods kingdom with HIS children.

So how do we overcome this?

In my intimate journey with Jesus, he highlighted three things for me to know.

  • I am loved Psalm 52:8

A simple statement but a massive statement to accept. As singletons, we feel unlovable, alone not worthy. So, knowing and accepting that the Lord loved me unlocked a piece of me. Made me realise I deserved and wanted more from him, the love and safety that loving Jesus brings

  • I have purpose Ephesians 1:11

Knowing that Jesus has a plan for you, knowing you have a purpose that starts right now, not when you are a wife or when you become a mother but right at this moment. That unlocks the excitement you have saved for when you ‘meet the one’. Knowing you can have that life NOW.

  • I am free Galatians 5:13

Freedom. Freedom is such a powerful word. It’s a powerful way of life. And it is given to us as a gift from God that we do not see/feel/comprehend. but when we do it is so overwhelming, and we realise nothing else matters, but Gods kingdom.

Whether you are married or single we are children of God first.


Written by Adama Kargbo